All Quotes by E. W. Howe
“People hate the man who is a constant drain on their sympathy.”
“So many of the optimists in the world don't own a hundred dollars, and because of their optimism, never will.”
“The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.”
“The trouble in the world is nearly all due to the fact that one-half of the people are men, and the other half women.”
“There is usually enough of everything on the table except cream.”
“To want your own way is a very bad habit, for you will never get it.”
“When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine he is that polite all the time.”
“When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.”
“Silliness which would have broken a politician twenty years ago, now makes his fortune.”
“We are now confronted with the necessity of remedying the remedies.”
“A man who does not fool himself seldom cares much about fooling others. But the man who claims to have seen a ghost wants everybody else to believe in ghosts.”
“Of living creatures, business men are nearest sane; their philosophy is as accurate as their multiplication table.”
“When half the people believe one thing, and the other half another, it is usually safe to accept either opinion. The Democrats are as good as the Republicans, and the Catholics as good as the Protestants.”
“I know what women expect, and give it to them without disagreeable argument; they'll get it anyway.”
“A loafer never works except when there's a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.”
“I have noticed that my likes and dislikes do not create any great excitement. And how people try to get away when I attempt to talk!”
“However disagreeable a situation is to you, you cannot get rid of it by indignation.”
“Every man has a long list of things that should be done, but which he knows can't be done. Yet he continues to talk about them as long as he lives.”
“The experience of the world is worth more than the experience of any one man.”
“When you hear that a certain man is so good that he wants to help everybody, you may depend upon it that he started the story.”
“Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.”
“The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.”
“It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.”
“Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.”
“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”
“A thief believes everybody steals.”
“If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.”
“When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.”
“A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.”
“When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”
“Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.”
“A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.”
“The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.”
“The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.”
“The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in.”
“There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.”
“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”
“When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”
“Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.”
“The modest person is usually admired, if people ever hear of them.”
“When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine that he is polite all the time.”
“Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.”
“For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.”
“It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.”
“The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.”
“Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.”
“Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.”
“Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.”
“The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.”
“There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.”
“Fishing seems to be the favorite form of loafing.”
“There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.”
“Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.”
“The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.”
“When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.”
“No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.”
“The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.”
“A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”
“When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.”
“Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.”
“Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.”
“You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.”
“A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.”
“One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.”
“Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.”
“A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.”
“Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.”
“A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.”
“If a woman doesn't chase a man a little, she doesn't love him.”
“To be an ideal guest, stay at home.”
“What people say behind your back is your standing in the community.”
“Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of anyone.”
“When men are not regretting that life is so short, they are doing something to kill time.”
“People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.”
“Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.”
“The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.”
“Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.”
“A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.”
“There is nothing so well known as that we should not expect something for nothing - but we all do and call it Hope.”
“Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.”
“The most destructive criticism is indifference.”
“It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.”
“Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.”
“Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.”
“A modest man is usually admired, if people ever hear of him.”
“If a man has money, it is usually a sign, too, that he knows how to take care of it; don't imagine his money is easy to get simply because he has plenty of it.”
“Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.”
“Every successful person I have heard of has done the best he could with the conditions as he found them, and not waited until next year for better.”
“If your faith is opposed to experience, to human learning and investigation, it is not worth the breath used in giving it expression.”
“A thief believes everybody steals.”
“If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.”
“When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.”
“A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.”
“When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”
“Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.”
“A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.”
“The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.”
“The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.”
“The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in.”
“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”
“Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.”
“The modest person is usually admired, if people ever hear of them.”
“When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine that he is polite all the time.”
“Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.”
“For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.”
“The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.”
“It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.”
“The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.”
“Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.”
“Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.”
“Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.”
“The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.”
“There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.”
“Fishing seems to be the favorite form of loafing.”
“Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.”
“There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.”
“Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.”
“The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.”
“When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.”
“No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.”
“When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.”
“The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.”
“A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”
“When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.”
“Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.”
“You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.”
“A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.”
“One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.”
“Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.”
“A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.”
“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”
“Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.”
“A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.”
“If a woman doesn't chase a man a little, she doesn't love him.”
“To be an ideal guest, stay at home.”
“What people say behind your back is your standing in the community.”
“Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of anyone.”
“When men are not regretting that life is so short, they are doing something to kill time.”
“People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.”
“Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.”
“The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.”
“When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.”
“Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.”
“A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.”
“There is nothing so well known as that we should not expect something for nothing - but we all do and call it Hope.”
“The most destructive criticism is indifference.”
“It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.”
“Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.”
“A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”
“Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.”
“A man needs a friend not to flatter him, but to strengthen him at his weak points.”
“A modest man is usually admired, if people ever hear of him.”
“A small man always has one weapon he can use against a great big man: he can "talk" about him.”
“If a man has money, it is usually a sign, too, that he knows how to take care of it; don't imagine his money is easy to get simply because he has plenty of it.”
“A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back.”
“Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.”
“Abusing the prosperous in order to curry the favor of the envious, is an old game that still works better than it should.”
“Every successful person I have heard of has done the best he could with the conditions as he found them, and not waited until next year for better.”
“Always remember that if a man knows where he can make a dollar, he will not tell you about it; he will go after it himself.”
“If your faith is opposed to experience, to human learning and investigation, it is not worth the breath used in giving it expression.”
“Another thing which is about as sure as death and taxes, is that no man can go on bluffing indefinitely without being called.”
“No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.”
“As a rule, you'll not have much trouble having your way, if you are right.”
“Everyone suffers wrongs for which there is no remedy.”
“Automobiles are like people: the cheap ones are noisy.”
“All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.”
“Every time you become confidential with some people, you hear of a new kind of dirty trick.”
“None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.”
“Having fun is a dismal business after you pass fifty.”
“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”
“The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.”
“Men are virtuous because the women are; women are virtuous from necessity.”
“The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.”
“No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.”
“No man knows where his business ends and his neighbor's begins.”
“One of the most difficult things in the world is to learn to take a hint easily.”